Update

So we were unable to hold out until February to announce, but we did wait pretty long. Tomorrow I have an appointment, this should be the appointment I am able to schedule my appointment to find out the gender. I am very excited. Some people are so open about letting Jeff and I know that we better have a boy. To that I say if we are blessed to bring another beautiful baby into this world, and it is another sweet baby girl. I will be ecstatic. The fact that I have been blessed to have children, healthy children at that. I would not dream of whining about the gender. Whatever this sweet baby is, he/she will be loved equally! I am starting to get so excited. I am nervous about the appointment tomorrow, but I have felt this baby move quite a bit. I feel calm, and ready to accept whatever it is. Sydney loves talking to the baby, and kissing my belly. She probably does not understand fully, but it is still cute!

Pregnancy Diaries-5

I am starting to feel better. I am starting to get my energy back. I have been able to keep the house up this past week. It has been so nice. I am down to two outfits that I can wear without looking questionable. It is getting to the point that I am so ready just to spill the beans. I cannot believe Jeff and I have actually kept this quiet. Jeff is dying, and I am pretty anxious as well. We went to dinner with some friends. Jeff asked if we could tell quietly. I immediately shut him down. I had not gone through all this time to just tell it. I really want my family to be the first to know. Sydney does not understand. I try to tell her, and she looks at me like I am crazy. She than says “no baby in tummy Mama, baby with Jenny”!! My Sis in Law Jenny recently had a baby, and Sydney is obsessed with her! I have totally felt movement. This baby likes to move. I am so excited to meet this little one. Next week I am headed up North for one of my best friends birthdays. I am going to see a lot of people. It should be interesting to see if I can still keep this quiet. It will be humbling and extremely hard. I am determined, I have enjoyed just Jeff and I knowing. It has made it so personal and special. I have decided to tell in February. I think we will be able to find out the gender in February, and I would like to announce the gender along with the news.

Pregnancy Diaries-4

My California trip was amazing. Being around family was awesome. There were so many times I wanted to say something. At one point my sister Kelly asked me if my periods had begun to be normal. It was just her, and I in the car. I was so close just to letting it out. I wanted to tell her so bad! The fear got the best of me, and I decided agaisnt it. I packed not really thinking about me showing. So throughout the days on the trip Jeff had to keep telling me to cover my belly. Haha. He said you could totally tell. My sisters probably knew!! I really wanted to see a few people while I was there. I guess I am too vain, and decided agaisnt it. I was not ready for them just to think I was fat(so lame, and yes I just admitted that.). We had Christmas Eve at my Brother In Laws families house. My sisters, and there husbands and Jeff and I were eating dinner. I think it was my brother in law Keith who said “So Jeff now would be a great time to tell us the news”, Jeff froze! I just started laughing. Thankfully we pulled it off, and everyone just laughed. There were many close calls. I cannot wait to be open about this pregnancy!

Pregnancy Diaries-3

I did it! Somehow I managed to get through Christmas without saying a word!! The night before we left for California. Sadie was having a bit of a hard time breathing, and her eyes were red. We noticed earlier a hive/bug bite we were not sure. We decided to go ahead, and put her to bed, and keep an eye on her the next day. She woke up still not feeling 100%, but she was better than the night before. The hive/bug bite on her neck was gone. So I was confident she would be okay. Well she was pretty fussy, and her nose was super runny. I was trying to get last minute things wrapped up to be ready to leave when Jeff got home. I let the girls play upstairs, Sadie started crying. So I decided to go and check out what was up. Well she was jumping on Sydney’s bed, and Sydney was over by the door. I picked Sadie up to try and

console her, but she was inconsolable, I started to get nervous. Her breathing was sounding difficult, and nose was running like crazy, and her eyes were puffy. It seemed like an allergic reaction, but I could not figure what from. I gave her Benadryl, and put her in a warm bath. I decided she needed to be taken in, so I really had to get everything done. As I got her undressed I noticed a red big bump on her side. It looked like a bug bite that she had been scratching!! So I hurried, and got everything done. I dropped Sydney off to Jeff, and off I was to the Dr. When we showed up they let me know the next time she could be seen would be 450, and it was only 130. I decided to go to instant care. I did not want to have her suffer. We were seen pretty much right away. When the nurse saw her “bug bite” she said oh man that is a good one. The doctor came, and looked at it. He felt it, and he said well it was not hard under the bite. He was not sure what kind of bug it was. So he looked closer, and asked if I had a dog…. I said no, but she has an older sister. He said it looked like a dog bite, because there was no teeth marks. Well Sadie was in footsie pj’s all morning, so I knew Sydney must have bit her through her pj’s!! In Sydney’s defense Sadie has bit Sydney multiple times!! So I guess Sydney got her back!! The Dr. listened to Sadie's breathing, and decided she had quite a bit of congestion in her throat. He gave her a steroid to help her breathe better. He than told me that her cheeks were extremely rosy. They get this way when she does not feel well, or teething. So I had not given it a second thought. Well he let me know it could be a virus call slapped face. He told me the symptoms, and explained it would just go away. He asked if I was pregnant, and when I told him yes. He got nervous. He told me that if I were to get this virus, I could miscarry!!! Inside I panicked, my sister Kelly is pregnant, and that is who we were staying with in California!! I was worried about her, and I. The Dr. told me I needed to go to my doctor, and have blood drawn to see if I had antibodies to this virus, and if not I would need to go to the hospital, and have some put in. I was terrified. I began to feel sick, but knew I needed to carry on. My Doctor’s office is right across from the instant care. So I walked over, and calmly said I needed to schedule an appointment asap. They said the next one available was for the next day. I decided to take it. The girl asked what it was for, and calmly I said well my daughter may have a virus that could cause me to miscarry!! The girl was calm, but you could tell she was nervous. She immediately got up, and I was left there with every worse case scenario playing in my head. She came back, and said they would get me in first thing. Well Sam my doctor’s nurse came out, and said “ Amanda, we have an ob here, and he said that there was 1 in 100 chance that you would miscarry”, She was so sweet, and reassuring. That is when I lost it!! AWQKWARDDD!! But they let me know they understood, and wanted to do what was comfortable to me. I felt a sense of calm come over me, and I knew it would all be okay. So here I am pregnant, or so I hope!!! Sadie’s face cleared up the next day so she did not even have it! All that stress for nothing!! I will talk more about California in the next post!

Pregnancy Diaries-2

Oh my goodness this is getting hard not to say. I can talk to my girls, and Jeff. That is what helps me through. Than again the fear of actually announcing is much too big. I am ten weeks. My due date is in July. That is all I will say, because I know an actual due date is unreal. So Sometime in July…maybe even August this angel will make an appearance. I got up enough courage, and made a Doctors appointment. I cheated, and set it up with Dr. Ott. I love Dr. Thompson, and I was still planning on having him as a family Doctor, but I was so afraid of his office!! So the easy way was to go to a new Doctor. I told Jeff I finally set up an appointment, he was super excited…until I told him who it was with. He told me he understood my fears, but that doctor Thompson was amazing. He reminded me of how great, and good of a doctor he was. I immediately knew he was right. Although it was not easy, I cancelled my appointment with Dr.Ott, and scheduled with Dr. Thompson!! That was an achievement, let me tell you. So the appointment was on Friday, and everything went well. Jeff was unable to come with me due to work. We kept in touch throughout the entire appointment, and it felt as if he was there. Jeff’s sweet Grandma was so kind to let the girls nap at her house while I went to the appointment. We are so grateful to her. It was nice to be able to express my concerns, and ask my questions without being rushed by my little ones. When I walked back Dr. Thompsons nurse saw me, and said “AMANDA,YAY”! I knew at that time I made the right choice. Dr. Thompson came in, and he was so kind. He went to listen for the heart beat, and right as he laid the instrument on my tummy, I heard the lovely beating of my babies heart!! It was awesome. We than went to go, and get a ultra sound. It was so fun seeing this little baby!! This baby is quite the mover, and I am sure we will have our hands full!! This next week we are going to California. I totally have a bump. I do not know how I will pull this off. Hopefully I can just claim to be fat. I have still been sick. Pretty much just at night. I have only thrown up twice. My energy level is still negative, and my house is still in turmoil. I have craved salty foods. Not anything sweet. Sweet does not sound too great. I am not sure how much longer we can keep this quite haha.

Pregnancy Diaries-1

I threw up for this first time this past week. It was at 3 am, it was so random. Sydney climbed out of bed, and into our room. I put her back to bed, and when I came back down stairs I ran to the bathroom. This one I am sick at night, and exhausted by 1pm. My house is struggling!! I just cannot seem to keep up. My cooking is almost non existent….my poor husband!! I am anxious for this period to pass. On Thanksgiving we told Sydney I was expecting. She was confused at first, but soon understood. We asked her if she thought it was a boy or girl. Sydney said girl!!! So we will see. We never told her or Sadie about Scott. For some reason Jeff and I felt confident in telling Sydney. It has been a struggle not telling people. Especially my amazing husband. I swear he gets more excited than me. He expressed to me the other night how hard it is not to say anything! I wish I could give him the okay…..but I am still nervous. I too wish I could tell people I was pregnant. I wish I could explain the hideous lovely pregnancy mask that has made it’s appearance this time around. I wish I could explain my tiredness/moodiness. I know for a fact I am going to get fat this time around lol. Subconsciously I find myself using food as a security blanket. I feel so vulnerable, and the only thing I have control over is food. I hate this mentality, and I wish I could kick it. Maybe later on I will loosen up a bit!! I am totally getting baby hungry. I don’t know how I will handle 3, but I don’t care!!! I know I can do it….

Its official

I took a test on Wednesday, Nov the 15th. Although I have been aware, I was just afraid to to take a test. I was able to help my sister Katherine  move this weekend. I am not going to lie it was bitter sweet. I may or may not have cried for a bit after I drove away. This is probably just my hormones talking. But in all seriousness it was a security blanket to know she was not too far away. I am so excited for her family, and for the exciting new opportunities that lie ahead for them.  They will be missed. Maybe one day we can all live close. My Mom, sister Kelly, and her darling little boy were there. It was fun to be around my family. My sister Kelly is expecting. I wanted to tell her so bad. But fear has the best of me. I am so excited our babies will be so close in age!! Knowing she was expecting made me take the plunge, and get a test. I was able to be excited knowing she was expecting. I took that test, and got  butterflies in my stomach. It is real. I am not sure if I am ready. More than anything I am ready for a sweet little spirit. But, I am not ready for the anticipation. Jeff told me I should go to the doctor. I know he is right, but I am so fearful. So insecure. I told him I wanted to go to a new Dr’s office. He laughed, because we love our doctor. That office will always have memories. Right now I do not know if I am ready to face them. We figure this little spirit will be here sometime in August. In all honesty I would not mind waiting until a week before to announce! I am sure it will be sooner, but this is why I want to jot my thoughts down here. I do not want to not celebrate this pregnancy. I do not want to forget. I think this pregnancy will be a lot more intimate. I may or may not post this. I just want to start a journal of this journey!! I have been sick. I have yet to throw up, but at times I wish I would. The sickness this time is odd. It is not morning or night. It is mid day!! So strange. My energy level is negative. Which is so weird! I really did not get this with Sadie. So I just assumed I would have energy. My house is definitely feeling my negative energy…..along with Jeff’s dirty socks and garments!! Oh dear. I hope this stage passes quickly. Today I am guilty of snuggling with my girls all morning, and watching Sesame Street, and Thumbelina. There was house work to be done, but I could not convince myself to do it. I am finally dressed, I even brushed my hair. I think I am ready to tackle some cleaning!!!

A day in the life…

I swear at the end of some days, I sit down, and just laugh. Terrible twos have come, and sadly my Sadie is following happily in her sisters lead. At times I just go crazy, and sometimes I just laugh. We do not have a dishwasher, so trying to keep up on dishes it quite the task. I have really been making an effort this past few weeks. The other day the girls woke up early from there nap. I really wanted to have all dishes done before I started dinner. So I tried to keep the girls entertained while doing dishes. I got involved with dishes, and heard the girls head up the stairs. I knew them upstairs could mean disaster. I stopped dishes, and went upstairs. As I was going up the stairs the girls slammed Sydney’s door. They were laughing, and sounded like they were having fun. As I opened the door to Sydney's room I saw complete chaos. With in minutes they had emptied out Sydney's dresser, pulled off all of Sydney's covers, and broke a picture frame! I seriously had to leave the room, and just breath for a minute. I was so frustrated, but as soon as I walked it the room. I saw Sadie picking up the clothes, and shoving them in the drawers. In August I potty trained Sydney. I guess I was going along with the crowd. I had some people tell me how easy there kids were to train. I assumed Sydney would be the same. It was not easy, but she seemed to get it. She was potty trained for a good month, and than she totally regressed. It was so depressing, and discouraging. I did not want to make potty training a negative experience so I just went along with it. Recently Sydney has began to show interest. So I have let her decide when she wants to wear big girl pants. She has done well. So the other day we went to story time. Sydney got  my stubbornness, and was determined to wear big girl pants. She had been doing well so I reluctantly agreed. I went early, and took Sydney to the toilet. She is not afraid of the toilet, but she insisted that she did not need to go. We had a conversation about the bathroom. She said she would tell me when she had to go. I had her in a dress, and leggings, and brought extras just in case. We sat as close as we could to the bathroom. During story time Sydney looked at me and said I need to go potty. I was ecstatic. I got her up and went to the bathroom. As She was pulling down her pants I noticed her leggings were wet! I asked if she went potty. She said “ya I go potty oops”. Story time was still going on, and the bathroom is right in the middle of story time. I was so afraid to see if there was a wet spot where Sydney was. I finally got brave enough and exited the bathroom. I quickly scanned the spot where Sydney was. There was definitely  a wet spot!! I DIED!!!! It was small, but there. I hurried out with the girls. I contemplated informing the front desk, but the girls were so loud. I just left. Yes Sydney peed on the Library floor, and I just left!!!! Ya….. like I said sometimes at night I just laugh.

Announcement!!!!