@import url(http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Sue+Ellen+Francisco); We'll look back someday, and I'll look at you and say "and I thought I loved you then"

His & Her = two

Monday, July 18, 2016

Life Lessons Learned

Life was simple, but crazy. I was so excited to be pregnant. I really was so thankful. The usual pregnancy burdens, did not seem so bothersome. I decided this would be the pregnancy I would try the often highly talked about home birth, midwife and all. I was confident in my decision. Jeff was on board as well. He pretty much allowed me to make the calls on this pregnancy. He really was such a good sport. So while he was being all kind and everything. I decided to slightly introduce the idea of not finding out the gender. Now I had lots of people who thought I was insane. Especially when they found out I knew where the ultrasound picture was that said what this baby was. Honestly I did not care. I had 3 girls, and I love them dearly. For some reason everyone likes to voice their strong opinions about all girls. I knew my husband would love this baby no the less, but he is human. Hearing that this baby another girl it would be bitter sweet, and I did not want to see the sadness in his eyes. I mean what guy does not what a son? I could not blame him. I knew eventually he would come around, but the bond I had with this baby was magical. I loved this spirit boy or girl, and I did not want my feelings tainted from everyone's views. I was beyond grateful my husband once again went along with my wishes. I am a tad bit worried what my not pregnancy will entail, I think Jeff will be making all the calls!
I had the opportunity to be introduced to a midwife. When Scarlett was a baby she had a tongue tie and a lip tie. I did not know where to turn, and I did not have a ton of money to fix it. Doctors would not acknowledge it, but the pain while nursing was getting old. I was not going to stop. My friend referred me to a midwife who was very familiar with ties. She actually agreed to clip both of the ties for me. She had done this tons of times, and she was very professional, and very knowledgeable about what to do.  Nursing immediately was a whole new ball game. I was very grateful for her. I decided that when I had another baby, I would love her to be my midwife. Hindsight is always 20/20. I really should not have made this decision without Jeff, and I should not have made it before interviewing other midwifes. Just because a midwife is great for one person does not mean the midwife will be just as good to another person. Lesson to the wise, interview lots of midwifes! So when I got pregnant I knew who I would go with. My midwife was great, although there were some things I did not fully agree with, she was great. My prenatal appointments were so good. Much different than a doctors prenatal visit. I was a person, I was important, and I was unique. It was great. Pregnancy was great, and I really had no complications. Although I did have a posterior placenta. This meant that the placenta sat in front of the baby. It was a crazy feeling, and made for getting a decent heart beat a little nerve wrecking. All in all it was no big deal. Well it came around time for the midwife to do a home visit, and meet Jeff....
I knew this midwife was not 100% Jeff's style, but I was pretty sure he would be able to deal with it for me. Well lets just say the appointment ended with Jeff leaving in the middle due to not being able to handle my mid wife and her assistants. I was a fish out of water. I had no clue what to do. I was due super soon, I had no clue where to turn. I had already paid my midwife, and I had no clue I had options. Now I know I had choices. So I decided to just proceed with my midwife, praying that all would work itself out. Well before I knew it my due date rolled around, and went by, as it always does. I was over due. Surprise Surprise. Let me just tell you just how great it was not having to go to doctor appointments, and explain over and over why I would not get induced, It was FREAKING amazing.
Life continued on until one early Monday morning I was awakened to a intense feeling in my back. Well like any other pregnant women pain in the middle of night/morning usually means you need to pee. So I got up peed, and crawled back into bed. Then I heard the notorious pop and felt a stream of warm water. My water had broken.....

Saturday, July 16, 2016

The spirit who was missed

I usually get pregnant quick. I mean we are talking 3 pregnancies in 3 years. Sadly one of those was not a full term pregnancy, but a pregnancy none the less. Even after baby number three I got pregnant 2 months later. After Scarlett things changed. My period did not return for almost 2 years after Scarlett was born. No period sounds amazing, right?! Well let me tell you it was not so great. In fact it was strange. What was even stranger was the feelings I was getting about having a baby. I knew pretty soon after Scarlett that there was another sweet spirit waiting to come down to earth. As the months went on my patience was wearing thin. I literally ached I missed this baby so much. I cried many nights to Heavenly Father begging to help me understand what was happening. There came a point that I actually was starting to think I was done having kids. My time had ended. The only thing keeping some inkling of hope was my huge ache in my heart that I had for this sweet spirit. It was a hard time, because there were not too many I felt opening up to , about my concerns. I mean I had three healthy girls, and 1 angel boy. Some people cannot even get pregnant with one. But here I was fretting over another.  Looking back I understand the purpose, and I really am grateful for the time I had to struggle. Although I would never wish it upon anyone, or am I trying to claim I truly understand the sorrow those who struggle with infertility go through.But I can say I had a taste. My heart breaks even more for those who are struggling with infertility. 

After a while I decided I should take matters into my own hands. With no period I really had no clue what my ovulation schedule was. So I went to this amazing lady who does foot zoning. It was a amazing experience. As she went over the part on my foot that reflects the uterus. We both heard a loud crunching sound. We both looked at each other, and she informed me there was some sort of build up preventing me from ovulating. About a week later I had a period! I got pregnant very soon after that. My joy was tangible. I was so very thankful for this opportunity I had to meet this sweet little baby that I had been longing to hold and kiss once more. This pregnancy truly allowed me realize just how miraculous pregnancy is. Although I was chasing 3 other crazy girls, and more exhausted than I had ever been. I was so thankful, so joyful. Finally this spirit and I would be reunited!

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Weekend Fun

Every day I answer this question-"what day is it", and when I answer Friday, I get 3 hysterically excited girls. You might not be aware, but my daughters have an obsession. They are totally obessed with their daddy, and Friday means tomorrow is Saturday. Saturday means "daddy no has to go to work".
The countdown begins, and we try to make time pass quickly. Often on Fridays we have Family sleepovers. A family sleepover is where we all sleep downstairs, eat popcorn, and watch a show. When the girls fall asleep Jeff and I drool over our sleeping beauties. We often question how we got so blessed. These nights are so sweet, and are always cherished. One weekend we even set up a tent, for the girls to have "camp out".


Christmas is super special around our house. We love celebrating the birth of our Savior. The girls are at a super fun age, and are really learning to get so excited about traditions. Holidays will only get better from here!

By looking at my house

By looking at my house you could probably not tell how hard I have worked all day long. By looking at my house you may think oh gee this bathroom needs a good clean. You would be stunned to know I cleaned it not too long ago, yesterday in fact, but by the hand prints on the mirror and mud on the floor you would never know. By looking at my house you may just think this laundry sure needs done, wouldn't you know, I have worked all day long to make that darn laundry go away. By looking at my house the kitchen may seem a tad gross. You would not even be able to tell that before lunch, the floor was sparkling clean. When you look at my house I hope you do see the love that is found all around. Sticky hands, messy faces, all along a smile on their faces. When you look at my house I hope you feel the spirit that here abounds, for in our home love is spoken . No matter how unclean it may seem, I hope by looking at my house you see a welcoming place, and feel the sweet spirits of those dirty little faces.

Friday, January 16, 2015

I don't want to grow up....

Last night Sydney as I was tucking Sydney into bed. We were talking about bed, and how we needed to do it. Well she looked at me and said "mama I dont want to ever grow up and leave you". I told her that she had no need to fear, I would always be there for her. I explained to her that dads mom was grandma, and we saw her often. To that she said, "no mama, we sometimes dont see her, I never want to grow up, I dont ever want to leave you". Her eyes filled with tears, and she hugged me so tightly. This little girl is growing, and she knows it. I don't want her to ever grow up either. I know she has to, and I know she will accept this, and be the most amazing women. I wanted to capture the moment in a capsule, and always remember, her smell, her eyes, her innocence. I want to remember the hard day we had previously before this, I want to remember the bitter as much as the sweet. If she could only see what I see. How I wish time could just stand still.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Fire alarm

So I was in the 4 o clock rush. Jeff is to be home any minute, and I needed to get a move on with dinner. I nursed Scarlett, put in a movie for the girls, and I even gave them each a bowl of frozen grapes to snack on. I was good to go, and nothing was going to stop me... ya right. Well I carried on with faith in my heart that dinner prep would go smoothly. Well I don't know about you, but when I cook in the Kitchen, the kitchen gets hott (Jeff calls it smoky) Well we happen to have 2 very sensitive fire alarms. So a "hott" kitchen, and those smoke alarms do not get along. It is not a rare occurence when those things go off. 
So here I was cooking up a storm when....you guessed it. BEEP BEEP BEEP!! Inside I thought "oh shoot I really don't have time for this", so i tried to ignore and kept on cooking. Well before I knew it I felt a little tug Scarlett was pulling on my pants, in her hand she was gifting me a pillow. When these testy alarms go off, I fan them with a pillow. Even my one year old knows how to deal with these pesty things. I chuckled and told her to go find Sydney. Well to my horror, I heard a BEEP BEEP echo BEEP BEEP. Now the first fire alarm was going off in the kitchen, but the second testy alarm is where the TV is. Sure enough I soon had Sydney in the kitchen, getting quite upset that she could not watch the show. At this point I could feel my blood begin to boil, I could not get to the fire alarms because I had raw chicken on my hands. So right there and then I prayed, a simple but sincere prayer. I prayed the beeping would stop. Right after I said Amen they both stopped. Now this never happens on there own. I was shocked, and immediately felt warm and fuzzy. Heavenly Father heard me. My petty cry for help, but he was there!!!