Mom Fail

Today I got a call from a lady in my ward. Her daughter is in Sydney's Sunbeam class. This little girl is the youngest, by a lot of years. In fact as of yesterday this little girl became an aunt. Sydney loves everyone, and is super easy going. This little girl has really taken a liking to our Sydney. This little girls mom called, to ask if Sydney could play. I always take in account Sadie. I know, they need space. It is just hard for me to have them seperate. As long as they are together I feel safe. So I suggested this little girl come over to our house. I was planning on filling up our little pool. It would work out perfect. Now, here comes my weirdness. I have worked so hard to keep Sydney as innocent as possible. Even at this young age I see so much cattiness in girls. I know I can not "protect" her forever. Yet, I still hope to encourage her to stay humble, and care free as long as I can. Now this little girl being the youngest by so much, obviously has been influneced by adults. Which in a blunt way of saying, this girl has sass. Now I know I am being judgemental, and I know I sound like a stuck up person. But my family is so important to me. I want success for us, and I know how crucial these first few years are. 
So when this little girls mom called, I decided then, and there to let it go. I let my guard down. This little girl came over, I was still in my running clothes. So I told my girls to go take their friend to see our kitties. We had a cat adopt us, and ended up having kittens in our horse trailor! Although we have no clue what to do with them, we have just learned to love them. The girls enjoy visiting them, and picking them up. Now, they are not gentle by any means. We have lots of talks about being soft to the kitties. 
I thought they would do no harm. So off they went, and up I went to change. As I was changing, I looked out my window. To my horror I saw the little girl dunking one of the kittens in the horse's water. I was horrified. I than saw Sadie do the same thing. My window was open, so I let them have it. After I changed I went to go see what was going on. As I walked outside, I saw Sydney. She had one of the kitty's, and was covering her with dirt. This poor cat was soaking, and terrified. When I first approached the cat, I thought it was dead!!! My heart sank, and I could not believe my eyes. I rescued the cat, and to my dismay I found Sadie, and the little girl doing same to another kitty. I felt sick. I am aware that they are just children, and that they do not comprehend the seriousness of their actions. But I would have hoped my girls would have knew better. I scooped theses poor kitties up, and rushed them into my house. I wrapped them in a towel, and said a prayer. Now, I understand they are just cats, but I guess a baby is a baby to me. The mom kicked in, and I was able to get them stable, and back to their mom. I sent Syd, and Sadie to their room, and had their friend sit on our couch. I could not get through to Syd, and Sadie, they were pretty shaken up that they could have killed the kitties. So I talked to their friend. I asked what happened. She informed me the kitties were dirty,and needed a bath. I was so disappointed in my girls. When this little girls mom came, I told her what happened. She was so sorry, and explained that her daughter was pretty rough with their cat's. When they left I could not get the sick feeling out of my stomach. I know my kids are not innocent, and are just as much guilty. But I cannot help, but wish I had stuck closer to them. Honestly, I don't want my girls to get too close to this little girl. I wish I could just move on, but I feel so sad. I don't know how I am going to explain to this mom, that my girls can't play. I just feel so defeated. Their are so many things I feel I have to do as a mom. I want them to be the best they can be. Everywhere I go there is a "better" way to feed your kid, parent, teach, or nurture. It just gets so overwhelming. I thought I was doing alright until today. Obviously I failed some where. I thought being a teen was hard. No one ever told me just how hard motherhood is. I try so hard to do what works for my family. I do good for a period of time. Then BAM, I try and keep up with all the trends. It is like walking into the end of a movie you really wanted to see, and you cover your ears, and close your eyes, all to uncover your ears just in time to hear the last line, and the entire movie is ruined.  I do it for so long, and then I fall into the trap. My goal as a mother is to be content. Not envious, or attempting to keep up with the "cool moms".  Instagram, and facebook, are great to have at times, but majority of the time I spend just looking at all the cute things other moms are doing. Then, deep down I feel guilty for not being more creative, or fun with my kids. I want it to stop. More than anything I just want my girls to have a good life, and have a testimony.  I have to find a balance. Although I want to just head for the hills with my family, I know their has to be a happy medium. Somehow I have got to stop comparing, and focus on my girls.