Payback

Dear Sydney & Sadie,
We love you oh so very. very. very much. You are so near, and dear to our hearts. Tonight, after you were suppose to be tucked in your bed. Your father came inside, and claimed he smelt root-beer. I thought it odd, and moved on with my life. Your father likes to get to the bottom of things. So, off he went, to locate this "root-beer" sent. Perhaps he hoped it was truly root-beer. To my dismay he called my name. Not, the typical nik name "hers", but AMANDA. I knew this could only mean trouble. As I braced myself to climb up those stairs, my stomach was touching my toes. Because, you my two darlings were suppose to be as snug as a bug. I reached the first step, and ah, what was that smell wafting by?! It was in no way root-beer. It was minty fresh. So minty fresh in fact my eyes began to burn. I wished it was root-beer, but to my horror my instinct was correct. It was minty fresh toothpaste, beautifully finger painted all along the walls. The walls were not the only place, you had decided to let your art so shine. Door knobs, doors, and oh Heaven forbid you forget your toys. As your father, and I sit here holding back the tears ( that toothpaste was worse than an onion) we decided that one day, there would be payback. Oh it will be sweet, and pretty pretty neat. We chuckle and think of all of the possibilities we could do to your new house! That puts a smile on our faces, and we continue to scrub. So here is to you my two precious girls. You have been warned!

Mom Fail

Today I got a call from a lady in my ward. Her daughter is in Sydney's Sunbeam class. This little girl is the youngest, by a lot of years. In fact as of yesterday this little girl became an aunt. Sydney loves everyone, and is super easy going. This little girl has really taken a liking to our Sydney. This little girls mom called, to ask if Sydney could play. I always take in account Sadie. I know, they need space. It is just hard for me to have them seperate. As long as they are together I feel safe. So I suggested this little girl come over to our house. I was planning on filling up our little pool. It would work out perfect. Now, here comes my weirdness. I have worked so hard to keep Sydney as innocent as possible. Even at this young age I see so much cattiness in girls. I know I can not "protect" her forever. Yet, I still hope to encourage her to stay humble, and care free as long as I can. Now this little girl being the youngest by so much, obviously has been influneced by adults. Which in a blunt way of saying, this girl has sass. Now I know I am being judgemental, and I know I sound like a stuck up person. But my family is so important to me. I want success for us, and I know how crucial these first few years are. 
So when this little girls mom called, I decided then, and there to let it go. I let my guard down. This little girl came over, I was still in my running clothes. So I told my girls to go take their friend to see our kitties. We had a cat adopt us, and ended up having kittens in our horse trailor! Although we have no clue what to do with them, we have just learned to love them. The girls enjoy visiting them, and picking them up. Now, they are not gentle by any means. We have lots of talks about being soft to the kitties. 
I thought they would do no harm. So off they went, and up I went to change. As I was changing, I looked out my window. To my horror I saw the little girl dunking one of the kittens in the horse's water. I was horrified. I than saw Sadie do the same thing. My window was open, so I let them have it. After I changed I went to go see what was going on. As I walked outside, I saw Sydney. She had one of the kitty's, and was covering her with dirt. This poor cat was soaking, and terrified. When I first approached the cat, I thought it was dead!!! My heart sank, and I could not believe my eyes. I rescued the cat, and to my dismay I found Sadie, and the little girl doing same to another kitty. I felt sick. I am aware that they are just children, and that they do not comprehend the seriousness of their actions. But I would have hoped my girls would have knew better. I scooped theses poor kitties up, and rushed them into my house. I wrapped them in a towel, and said a prayer. Now, I understand they are just cats, but I guess a baby is a baby to me. The mom kicked in, and I was able to get them stable, and back to their mom. I sent Syd, and Sadie to their room, and had their friend sit on our couch. I could not get through to Syd, and Sadie, they were pretty shaken up that they could have killed the kitties. So I talked to their friend. I asked what happened. She informed me the kitties were dirty,and needed a bath. I was so disappointed in my girls. When this little girls mom came, I told her what happened. She was so sorry, and explained that her daughter was pretty rough with their cat's. When they left I could not get the sick feeling out of my stomach. I know my kids are not innocent, and are just as much guilty. But I cannot help, but wish I had stuck closer to them. Honestly, I don't want my girls to get too close to this little girl. I wish I could just move on, but I feel so sad. I don't know how I am going to explain to this mom, that my girls can't play. I just feel so defeated. Their are so many things I feel I have to do as a mom. I want them to be the best they can be. Everywhere I go there is a "better" way to feed your kid, parent, teach, or nurture. It just gets so overwhelming. I thought I was doing alright until today. Obviously I failed some where. I thought being a teen was hard. No one ever told me just how hard motherhood is. I try so hard to do what works for my family. I do good for a period of time. Then BAM, I try and keep up with all the trends. It is like walking into the end of a movie you really wanted to see, and you cover your ears, and close your eyes, all to uncover your ears just in time to hear the last line, and the entire movie is ruined.  I do it for so long, and then I fall into the trap. My goal as a mother is to be content. Not envious, or attempting to keep up with the "cool moms".  Instagram, and facebook, are great to have at times, but majority of the time I spend just looking at all the cute things other moms are doing. Then, deep down I feel guilty for not being more creative, or fun with my kids. I want it to stop. More than anything I just want my girls to have a good life, and have a testimony.  I have to find a balance. Although I want to just head for the hills with my family, I know their has to be a happy medium. Somehow I have got to stop comparing, and focus on my girls.

Blessings

Blessings. My life is so good. I can look back on my days, and remember the hard times. Amongst all the bad, there is the good. The good, out weighs the bad, every time. I am currently in the primary presidency. When I first received this calling, I was beyond nervous. As time has gone on. Nerves, have subsided,(until I have to teach, and I still stammer and stumble like a fool) and I am finding I am learning so much from these little souls. We have an amazing music director. She has worked so hard to get the children, to not only know the words, but to actually know what they are singing. Junior primary will sing, but majority of the time, it is just loud mumbling! So last Sunday, we were practicing the song we are going to sing for Fathers Day. The Sister arranged, God gave us families, and I so glad when daddy comes home. The kids had been more rumbustious, than usual, and we all were prepared for a hard singing time. Surprisingly, they were singing amazing. She asked the kids to sing it one more time. The children sang, their hearts out. Every word was pronounced, and ever cue was followed. Words cannot describe the spirit in that room. I promise, there were angles singing along with our children. The room was spiritually shaking. Just as the music instructor began to tear up, we all realized, all the leaders were crying! The little kids were confused as to why we were crying! I know this the singing instructor, has been praying for this. It was such a beautiful thing to see, and feel that our Heavenly Father, truly does answer prayers.
Living far away from a grocery store is not always easy. Wednesday is the day I take the girls into town, and we do splash pad, library, and do all of our shopping. Well this Wednseday was hard. Shopping was a disaster, and I was so quick to get out of there, that I forgot milk!! We have cereal, for at least one meal. So this was a big issue. After unloading, and realizing I had forgot milk. I started to think how I would be able to go back and get milk. A little later on, our door bell rang. It was our neighbor. Her kids were out of town, and she needed to get rid of some milk! I could not believe my eyes. I was blown away. Heavenly Father answered a quiet desire of my heart. 
I am learning, and striving daily to be content. This can be a hard thing to do. I admit I struggle. But I will continue to strive to be happy, with where I am. My children are healthy, we own a home, my husband has a job, and I get to stay home! Just typing that makes me wonder why I ever desire more!!