Life Lessons Learned

Life was simple, but crazy. I was so excited to be pregnant. I really was so thankful. The usual pregnancy burdens, did not seem so bothersome. I decided this would be the pregnancy I would try the often highly talked about home birth, midwife and all. I was confident in my decision. Jeff was on board as well. He pretty much allowed me to make the calls on this pregnancy. He really was such a good sport. So while he was being all kind and everything. I decided to slightly introduce the idea of not finding out the gender. Now I had lots of people who thought I was insane. Especially when they found out I knew where the ultrasound picture was that said what this baby was. Honestly I did not care. I had 3 girls, and I love them dearly. For some reason everyone likes to voice their strong opinions about all girls. I knew my husband would love this baby no the less, but he is human. Hearing that this baby another girl it would be bitter sweet, and I did not want to see the sadness in his eyes. I mean what guy does not what a son? I could not blame him. I knew eventually he would come around, but the bond I had with this baby was magical. I loved this spirit boy or girl, and I did not want my feelings tainted from everyone's views. I was beyond grateful my husband once again went along with my wishes. I am a tad bit worried what my not pregnancy will entail, I think Jeff will be making all the calls!
I had the opportunity to be introduced to a midwife. When Scarlett was a baby she had a tongue tie and a lip tie. I did not know where to turn, and I did not have a ton of money to fix it. Doctors would not acknowledge it, but the pain while nursing was getting old. I was not going to stop. My friend referred me to a midwife who was very familiar with ties. She actually agreed to clip both of the ties for me. She had done this tons of times, and she was very professional, and very knowledgeable about what to do.  Nursing immediately was a whole new ball game. I was very grateful for her. I decided that when I had another baby, I would love her to be my midwife. Hindsight is always 20/20. I really should not have made this decision without Jeff, and I should not have made it before interviewing other midwifes. Just because a midwife is great for one person does not mean the midwife will be just as good to another person. Lesson to the wise, interview lots of midwifes! So when I got pregnant I knew who I would go with. My midwife was great, although there were some things I did not fully agree with, she was great. My prenatal appointments were so good. Much different than a doctors prenatal visit. I was a person, I was important, and I was unique. It was great. Pregnancy was great, and I really had no complications. Although I did have a posterior placenta. This meant that the placenta sat in front of the baby. It was a crazy feeling, and made for getting a decent heart beat a little nerve wrecking. All in all it was no big deal. Well it came around time for the midwife to do a home visit, and meet Jeff....
I knew this midwife was not 100% Jeff's style, but I was pretty sure he would be able to deal with it for me. Well lets just say the appointment ended with Jeff leaving in the middle due to not being able to handle my mid wife and her assistants. I was a fish out of water. I had no clue what to do. I was due super soon, I had no clue where to turn. I had already paid my midwife, and I had no clue I had options. Now I know I had choices. So I decided to just proceed with my midwife, praying that all would work itself out. Well before I knew it my due date rolled around, and went by, as it always does. I was over due. Surprise Surprise. Let me just tell you just how great it was not having to go to doctor appointments, and explain over and over why I would not get induced, It was FREAKING amazing.
Life continued on until one early Monday morning I was awakened to a intense feeling in my back. Well like any other pregnant women pain in the middle of night/morning usually means you need to pee. So I got up peed, and crawled back into bed. Then I heard the notorious pop and felt a stream of warm water. My water had broken.....

The spirit who was missed

I usually get pregnant quick. I mean we are talking 3 pregnancies in 3 years. Sadly one of those was not a full term pregnancy, but a pregnancy none the less. Even after baby number three I got pregnant 2 months later. After Scarlett things changed. My period did not return for almost 2 years after Scarlett was born. No period sounds amazing, right?! Well let me tell you it was not so great. In fact it was strange. What was even stranger was the feelings I was getting about having a baby. I knew pretty soon after Scarlett that there was another sweet spirit waiting to come down to earth. As the months went on my patience was wearing thin. I literally ached I missed this baby so much. I cried many nights to Heavenly Father begging to help me understand what was happening. There came a point that I actually was starting to think I was done having kids. My time had ended. The only thing keeping some inkling of hope was my huge ache in my heart that I had for this sweet spirit. It was a hard time, because there were not too many I felt opening up to , about my concerns. I mean I had three healthy girls, and 1 angel boy. Some people cannot even get pregnant with one. But here I was fretting over another.  Looking back I understand the purpose, and I really am grateful for the time I had to struggle. Although I would never wish it upon anyone, or am I trying to claim I truly understand the sorrow those who struggle with infertility go through.But I can say I had a taste. My heart breaks even more for those who are struggling with infertility. 

After a while I decided I should take matters into my own hands. With no period I really had no clue what my ovulation schedule was. So I went to this amazing lady who does foot zoning. It was a amazing experience. As she went over the part on my foot that reflects the uterus. We both heard a loud crunching sound. We both looked at each other, and she informed me there was some sort of build up preventing me from ovulating. About a week later I had a period! I got pregnant very soon after that. My joy was tangible. I was so very thankful for this opportunity I had to meet this sweet little baby that I had been longing to hold and kiss once more. This pregnancy truly allowed me realize just how miraculous pregnancy is. Although I was chasing 3 other crazy girls, and more exhausted than I had ever been. I was so thankful, so joyful. Finally this spirit and I would be reunited!