Good, Bad, and Ugly

 

Dont chase people, be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people -the ones who really belong in your life .. Will come to you. And stay. LY

Days like today…or should I say weeks like the past few, are so hard. Sydney’s terrible two’s have OFFICIALLY hit. She can be an absolute disaster, and I do not know when it is going to hit. I can not plan my life around her fits, because they come sporadically. I just never know what is going to set her off. Example: We went to the library today. They have a toddler time, and the girls LOVE it. It is so nice going, because I know I will be able to relax for a sec, and just hang out with my girls. Well today  I got Sydney, and Sadie unbuckled. I then went around and opened the door to get them out. Well apparently Sydney did not want this. She wanted to push the door open. So I cracked the door so she could push it open. This still did not satisfy her. So after a few minutes of Sydney Screaming, I was at  my at my boiling point, I said enough. I took Sydney out of the car and led her to the library. All the way she was crying. At this point I was just praying story time would help this tantrum. We walked into story time, went and sat on the carpet. Sydney would not leave my lap, and cried the entire 5 mins we were in there. Not just the quiet cry, the 2 yr old scream cry. I did not want to ruin story time for the other kids. So I picked up Sydney, and grabbed Sadie’s hand. This would have gone really smoothly except for the fact that Sadie fell down, and started balling. So in the middle of everyone I am trying to juggle lifting up two crying kids.(it would have been 2 crying kids, and 1 adult, but I held it in) We thankfully made it out, and to the car. As I sat my head on the steering wheel the pressure of life hit me. Life can be so hard, and I am finding especially being a mom. Seriously it weighs so heavy on my chest. I feel as though I am trying and trying to do things right, with no acceptance. I am constantly bombarded with opinions, and facts. When I sit down and think of all the things I am requested/pressured into doing, it honestly gets hard to breath. I think I am at a major learning point in my life. I have always been a people pleaser. I love to have people be proud of me. I am starting to realize I cannot do this with motherhood.  EvERYONE has so many requests, and views. I am guilty of trying to “keep up with the jone’s”.  This is not me, and I have tried for so long to be this. I think because I am trying so hard,  I find myself becoming  so frustrated and hold it all inside.  I start to hold resentment towards those around me who are perfectionist, or high maintenance. If this is who they are then so be it. If I hold it against them I am a hypocrite. I need to willingly accept the fact that those are not my characteristics. I am far from a perfectionist, and I am very low maintenance. I love having fun, and goofing off with my kids. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty, I am not afraid of a messy house. At the same time this does not mean I am a slob, or that I don’t like cute things, or to make things look nice. It just is not my livelihood. The reason  I live is for my husband, and my kids, and my family. Those things make me smile, and make my life.. All of the relationships in this time of my life have dramatically changed. Maybe this is the root of all this pressure. I have gotten closer to some, and to others I have had to step back. I am a very easy going person, and I always want to be friendly and approachable. It is not my goal to be “the cutest”, or have my kids be “the cutest”. I do not ever want to boast so much about my kids, or my life that it makes others feel bad. I want to surround myself with people who are encouraging and uplifting. I do not want to center my life around having the nicest things. I do not want to be completely unfortunate, but I just want to have fun. I want to be able to play with my kids, and have them get dirty. Without the people in my life judging my character, or my ability as a mom.  I want to be real, really MYSELF!! So here it goes true through, and through this is me!

Sweet Moments

This week we went and dropped off bread to a few people in our ward. It was a fun family activity, and it was nice to get to know people better in our ward. When we got done it was after 8, and Sadie fell asleep in the car. Jeff still had to feed the horse's, but Sydney had to go potty. So he dropped Syd and I off at the house, and we just left Sadie asleep in the car with him. After Sydney went potty she wanted a treat. I got her an oreo. Sydney hates the cookie part, but loves the cream. She always eats the cream and gives the cookie's to Sadie. Well Sadie was in the car, and I was willing to take that cookie for Sydney. I informed Sydney I would eat the cookie, and she yelled "NO SISTER". I laughed, and said okay. I went on to put things away, and get a few things done. A few minutes later I realized it was really quiet. I called for Sydney, with no response. I got nervous, and started looking everywhere. I decided she was not in the house, and ran outside. The horse's are about a half a mile from our house, so I figured there was no way should could be all the way there. I started running down the road, and almost to the horse's I saw a glimpse of Sydey!!! She ran all the way to the car to give Sadie the cookie!! Sweet Sweet girl!!

When we sit down for dinner we ask the girls who should say the prayer. It has always been Sydney who wants to help. Sadie just folds her arms, and loves saying Amen! Well on Thursday we asked who wanted to help with the prayer, and Sadie said she did! So Jeff helped her out, but she say every word he did! It melted my heart. I love has sweet she can be.

Jeff and I had the oppourtunity to go to the temple. While I was in the session there was this girl in front of me. She had Sydney's hair color, and I thought to myself I wonder if that is how Sydney is going to look like when she grows up. So after the in the dressing room after the session. I saw the girl who reminded me of Sydney. She was putting a name into the prayer box, and she turned to the side. It was then I realized that on the side of her bag was her name.....SYDNEY!!!!

In the car the girls and I love do to dance. We sing and dance, and basically have the time of our lifes. Sadie has always been an amazing lil rocker, but this week she has started breaking out in song!! It is so cute she totally was singing along. She melts my heart!!

This week at church while the song was over, but the sacrament bread was still being prepared. Sydney tapped me and pointed with her finger to the sacrament table, and said "look Jesus Christ"! The gosple is true! She helps me to realize that daily.

Sydney 2 yr video.

http://youtu.be/WG_Q7QMpTVM

put the link into your search engine. It is youtube, for some reason I cannot just upload it here.

Sweet Moments

My kids are so much fun. I want to remember all of the cute things they do!
We were at dinner today at Jeff's grandparents house. Sydney loves to watch Cinderella there. In the TV room there is a door that you can close that opens to the kitchen. Well Sydney decided she wanted to eat her food alone, and watch Cinderella. Usually this would not fly, but I was in need of a break. After she took her plate she headed to the room. Well she decided she wanted privacy, and insisted we shut the door! We went on, and Uncle Mark said "look at this". We look over and underneath the door is an empty plate being pushed through by the cutest little fingers!!!

Sadie loves dogs! She has quite the little imaginataion. Instead of having an imaginary friend, I think she has an imgainary dog. A good ammount of the time she tells me she see's a dog. When in reality there is no dog to be found! Well the other day we were in Smiths, and Sadie starts saying "doggie,doggie". I just kinda brushed it off, and was like "yaaa doggie"! Well she I heard laughter behind me, I turned to see what was going on. Sure enough there was a girl holding a tiny dog! Jeff and I had a good laugh. While Sadie loved pointing her long finger at the dog!

We went out to dinner, and Jeff looks over at Sydney, as she is putting something in her mouth. Sydney that begins to breath in and out as if she is trying to cool down her mouth, and she puts her finger back in the dressing, and does it all over. She did it several times!

Sadie has the chubbiest fingers, but the tiniest nose. We were pulling into our driveway, and I turned around to see Sadie consecrating so hard to put her chubby little finger up her tiny little nose. She would get so close, and then realize it would not fit. Jeff and I laughed so hard, and just watched her serious little face do this over and over again!! 

Half Marathon

  I have not posted about this, due to the fact it was still a rough subject. I really want to remember this run.
Friday June 8th Our Family drove up to provo. The girls were decent, but we were glad to be there. Although I am not the biggest fan of Provo. It was fun remember the good times that did happen there. We went to Lindsay and Devins house. I am was so thrilled to see her parents car! They were like second parents to me. We went inside, and had fun talking, and catching up. Lindsay, and I decided we better go get our number, and shirt. We were suprised at how many people were there! It was actually quick, we were in and out. We went back to her apartment, and right when we stepped out of Lindsay's car we smelt the most amazing food. Lindsay said "I think that is our dinner". Sure enough It was Lindsay's moms divine cooking. Joanne has always been an amazing cook. I was super excited to get some of her delicious food. After the amazing dinner we went and got frozen yogurt from Red Mango. It was so good! After dessert Lindsay, and I headed back to her apt to get the girls to bed, and start unwinding. The boys went and played tennis. Lindsay and I got everything ready for our run. Devin was too kind, and suggested I sleep with Lindsay in the bed, and the two boys would sleep on the couch. Lindsay and I stayed up talking, we both could not sleep!!! It was so fun being with her like old times! We had to be at the buses in the morning at 4am!!! WAYYYY tooo early. I think Lindsay and I together got maybe 3 hrs of sleep!! When it was time to wake up we groggily got out of bed, and started to get ready. Joanne was too kind, and had prepared fruit and greek yogurt for us to eat on the way. Seriously she is amazing. We were taking one of Lindsay's friends with us, so we ate and talked about our nerves. I was so nervous about running so long being pregnant. I really hoped I would not have to pee a billion times. We got to the buses and off we went! Our kind husbands the night before went to walmart and got us those foil blankets. So as we waited at the start line we were nice and warm. The final countdown began, and Lindsay and I braced ourselves! The race started, and off we went! I only had to pee once, but the line was forevveerr. Never again will I wait, I am going to just pop a squat!! Unfortunantley I had gotten new shoes, but I had not broken them in enough. My feet were throbbing!! Jeff and the girls kept finding me and cheering me on. They even ran with me for a minute! That gave me the motivation to keep going! Also Devin, and the Ginolfi's found me, and cheered me on as well! I love the feeling of being supported!!  I finished....we wont talk about the time, and I will still stick with my last half marathon of 2 hours! It was a great run, and the best part is that I got to do it with my son!!!! I had not offically announced it to everyone, and this is how I did it. I wrote baby on board on the back of my shirt. It was so fun. This run will always be special to my heart!! Since this run I have been really slacking with running. It is usually my therapy, but lately if I think about my loss. But this is it. I am ready to run again!  

 

I never posted a pic from my last marathon!

Sadie

My Sweet Sadie girl!!!! Oh man where to I even start. This little girl has personality to boot. She is only 16 months, and is the funniest person I know. She can talk so well. She pretty much will remember every word that you teach her. I can pretty much have a conversation with her, and she will do a good majority of the talking. Sadie's favorite game is peek a boo. Except her version is you don't have to cover your face, you just have to say "BOO". We will be driving, and 
Sadie says- MOM
Mom says- What
Sadie says- BOO!
She thinks it hilarious, and will play this game all day if she could. Sadie might have taken awhile to start walking, but I am so grateful. At 16 months she can already run as fast as Sydney! She sprints. It is funny because it looks like she will fall over any minute, but somehow she stays up! Cracks me up. Sadie is OBSESSED with Sydney. The first thing out of her mouth every morning is "sista sista, where she go". We go and get Sydney, and she gets so excited, and wants to give her hugs. We think Sadie will be our Athlete. She is so rough. She loves to be tickled, and thrown around. Sadie could take her dad on any day. With that said she can be the sweetest thing ever. She is so compassionate, and loves babies. If ever she sees a carseat, stroller, or anything baby related she perks right up, and says "BABY"! She is so curious about them, and just wants to be near them. Little does she know, she is kinda a baby too, but I won't tell her! Sadie Still loves her food, and lets nothing come between her and her love. You know when she is hungry because she turns into the most onry baby. Majority of the time Sadie finish's before Syd, and asks to get down. Well lately she will be done, but she just can't let Sydney eat in peace. Sadie will hurry over to Sydney's food grab some, and sprint off. Sydney gets so bugged, and Sadie just laughs. Sadie is very good at please and thank you. She loves telling everyone she sees "Hi". Even when we are in a car, she says hi to the people driving by. We were at the store a while ago. I was checking out, and Leanne was back with Sadie. All the sudden Leanne starts laughing, and she told me to look. I look back, and at the check stand they have a bottle of hand sanitizer. Sadie looked at the bottle, and got all giddy touched the tip of it, and rubbed it all over her arm. She would look away, and when she saw it again do it all over!! Sadie is gorgeous, and everyone asks why her complexion is so dark. Sadie has stunning blue eyes, tan skin, and her hair color is still up in the air. It will be so fun to watch her develop. Sadie is way good at sleeping, and way too easy to put down. I am contemplating starting to potty train her. I know I am crazy, but she sees Sydney do it, and wants to try so bad. She even will find me and tell me she pooped. I may just give it a go, just for the fun of it. That would be amazing if it was successful, most likely not...but a girl can dream. So yesterday Jeff got home, and dropped off the trash can. Both of the girls ran outside, and Jeff left to go feed the horse's. So I assumed he had taken both of the girls. Jeff came back a while later, and informed me the Sadie had walked all the way to the Horse's!! The horse's are at least a half a mile away. Not to mention she was shirtless and only had on stockings!! I felt soo bad. She is determined.  I love this girl. She is my pride and joy. I can't get enough of her cheeks...both sets. She makes it easy to be her mom, and life much more exciting. She is perfect to me, and has taught me so much. I can be myself with her, and she loves me fully! I am so blessed. 

Sydney

Time for a Sydney update!!! Sydney is a big girl! She weighs 26 pounds, and I am not quite sure how tall she is. She is still dainty, and beautiful. Sydney never ceases to amaze me or her dad. She is such a little firecracker, but at the same time she is so shy and sweet. Sydney loves being an older sister. Of course it is tough at times for her to remember Sadie is younger due to the fact that they weigh the same. Sadie loves to pull Sydneys hair... I think she is just jealous of it. Sydney is usually a good sport about it, and hurries and picks the hair out of Sadie's hand and tries to put it back on her head. The other day I heard Sydney same "no no sister, thats it TIME OUT... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10" I ran in to check this out, and Sydney was folding Sadies arms, and counting. After Sydney said " no push sister". I love her so much. It seriously consumes my soul. That sounds weird but that is the best way to describe how much she means to me. After the girls are in bed, and it is all quiet believe it or not, it takes everything in me not to go and scoop them up and snuggle! Sydney is so smart. She can count to 12, she tries to go higher but gets confused. We can have full conversations, but her favorite word is...MOM. In a minute she can seriously same mom 50 times, not that I have ever really counted, but it is a ton. "Mom, see the bird" "Mom uh oh" "Mom help me".. you get it lol. At times I am not patient and tell her she cannot say mom for a little bit. Rude I know, but it makes me a little crazy! She LOVES to dance. We have at least 20 dance parties in a day. She says "mom I want to shake it" "Mom I wanna have a dance party". She has the cutest dance moves, from putting her hands on her hips and shakin her bum, to rollin her arms. She is so observant, and comments on just about everything. Every time we go to the store she looks in the spot where the car cart is, and if its not there she says "aw man". So then she just chase's Sadie , and I through the store. I probably look crazy, but It makes shopping with 2 kids do-able. Sydney loves to sing, and if  there is a quiet moment she will ask for me to sing. She loves when Daddy sings to her on the phone, and will request it every time. Unfortunately daddy can't break out in song at work, so he makes it up to her later. Sydney loves to be clean, she hates having sticky hands, and she is finally starting to love me doing her hair. She loves to have her toes painted, and shows them to everyone. She is starting to show interest in the alphabet, in the bath she likes to put the letters in order. We had a HUGE accomplishment today. We have been attempting potty training, and she has done so so. But today all by herself she said " I need to go poop", and she does this a lot. So I just thought it was one of those times. I left the room, and the next thing I hear was "MOM I POOPED"! I was trying not to get too excited, but I checked, and she actually did!! I think this is the start of something good. Whenever Sydney eats something she likes she has to say "Mom I like it, it's good". Sydney is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Every day I get with her, I realize just how beautiful life is. She is my best friend, and my #1 fan. I am so blessed to be her mommy.