Slade Eric Roberts

This sweet baby was so anxiously awaited by so many. When my due date had come and gone, as I knew it would. I could not help but feel as though I would be pregnant for the rest of my life. The pregnancy was an easy one, but I was ready to be able to bend over, and not feel as though I was going to die if I did not eat every hour. I think the number one thing that made me feel so anxious, was the thought of holding a baby boy, my baby boy, my son. I was told I was having a boy, and I did believe it, but a part of me was going to hold my breath until he was resting in my arms. I had made sure to stay very active this pregnancy so when the time came to get this baby here I could do whatever it took. So as I said my due date came and went, but that was only a motivator. So I went on lots of long walks, that happened to have several hills. I told the baby it was time to come. I plead to Heavenly Father. On the second day of being overdue I had lots of contractions, but I had swallowed my fate. I decided to let it be. Whatever was meant to be would happen. As long as he was healthy I would stay pregnant. Well the second day came to a close, and I climbed in my bed. I woke up  to go to the bathroom. As I settled back in my bed to go back to sleep I started to feel slight pressure in my back. I tried to not get too excited, but lets be real, I totally got way excited. To my pleasant surprise another came, and ten minutes later another, and another. I was ecstatic, this was it! So I went downstairs, I was like a kid at Christmas. I sat with my phone in my hand dying to record the next contraction. I called my mid wife, and she said to try and rest as much as I could, and just wait for the contractions to come. Well they came, but they were not getting any harder. In fact I felt as if they were getting easier, and further apart. To my dismay as I recorded the times I could see they were in fact getting further apart. So I decided to just sleep. So I slept, and awoke to nothing. I was certain it was a false alarm. Jeff asked if he should stay home, but I had an appointment with my mid wife at 10,  and decided that Jeff should go to work. It was the day of the eclipse so the weather outside was dreary, and looked as though it was going to rain. I loaded up my two youngest girls, and we headed off to my appointment. The drive is about 20 minutes away, and on the way down I had 2 good contractions. I was not thinking much about them. I had convinced myself I was crazy. When I showed up to my midwifes office, they were all shocked to see I had driven myself. I guess the thought of going into full blown labor while driving had not crossed my mind. My midwife asked how things were going. I let her know that I had only had 2 really good ones, and that was on my way to her office. Other than that my baby boy was still, and resting. My midwife and I decided to check me to see just if these contractions were just in my head, or if they were happening. Well to my complete shock, and delight I was dilated to a 5! A 5 with feeling very minimal, I could not believe it. Yet, I was concerned with just how much of nothing I was feeling. My midwife assured me it would happen, and encouraged me to go home, and rest while I could. I called Jeff, and he was shocked that I was at a 5 as well. I assured him though that it was going to be a while due to the fact that our little boy was taking his sweet time. I got home and began to clean, and get ready. When nap time came I decided to try and sleep. I was actually able to get in a decent nap. Jeff got home at 5, and began to nest. Yes he really did. He was as busy as bee running to and fro, cleaning here and there. He got the pool all set up, along with the hose hooked, up and ready for go time. While he was bustling around I was willing myself to have more contractions. I told our little guy he should get a move on it, and that we were ready. Jeffs mom had just gone back to Vegas on Sunday. She had been in town the entire week previously, and had appointments she needed to go to. Well bless her, when she heard I was at a 5 she canceled everything, and made her way back to Saint George. At 6 my contractions had moved to the front, and although they were not close together, they were getting stronger. I called my midwife, and she said she would head up just to be safe. My mother in law had picked up the girls, and they went to get pizza, and brought it back to our house. My midwife had gotten there just before them, and was just setting up. She said she liked that she was not rushed, and that she had time just to get ready. After my girls had eaten my mother in law got the girls stuff all ready to spend the night at her house, and left. After they left my midwife decided to check me to get an idea of what was happening. Due to the fact that again my son was napping, and contractions were not coming very often. She checked me and I was a a 8+! In fact she said she could stretch me to make me a 9+. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I could not believe how calm this labor had been. The tub was being filled up, and after I was checked my body kicked into gear. The contractions started to come about 5 minutes apart, and all I wanted to do was get in the tub. The problem was the tub was very hot, and they were concerned it would be too hot. Well I love hot baths, and really there was no stopping me. I had one thing on my mind "get into the tub". I got in the tub, and I seriously thought I had died and gone to Heaven. It felt sooo good. The contractions were still coming, but they were not so bad in the tub.  I told Jeff to call our friend Maegan who was going to come, and take pictures. He thought it was going to be a little ways, but I told him she should get here. She got there at the perfect time. The contractions had turned into much more pressure.In one slight push, my water broke. My midwife asked Jeff if he was still planning to catch the baby, and was explaining where to stand, and instead Jeff just jumped right in! He was more than ready for this baby boy. At that point I had begun to feel the urge to push. Which is so crazy to say, I felt the urge. Because I am so use to being told to push. So to actually get that sensation was so empowering. I was floating on my belly bearing down. After a few times, my midwife suggested the next contraction I should try turning over, and pushing that way. So I did just that, and within 2 pushes Slade Eric was brought into this world lifted up by his father, and put on my chest. In that moment time stood still, and I could not believe I had a son. Emotion took over and I ugly cried! I was so grateful for this moment. I was so grateful for the love of Heavenly Father that I felt. The last few moments before Slade came I had looked out my bedroom window, and looked up at the sky. I remember thinking how blessed I was, and that although this was hard I could do it because I was a daughter of God. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rcxEIb4oWA&feature=youtu.be

Life Lessons Learned

Life was simple, but crazy. I was so excited to be pregnant. I really was so thankful. The usual pregnancy burdens, did not seem so bothersome. I decided this would be the pregnancy I would try the often highly talked about home birth, midwife and all. I was confident in my decision. Jeff was on board as well. He pretty much allowed me to make the calls on this pregnancy. He really was such a good sport. So while he was being all kind and everything. I decided to slightly introduce the idea of not finding out the gender. Now I had lots of people who thought I was insane. Especially when they found out I knew where the ultrasound picture was that said what this baby was. Honestly I did not care. I had 3 girls, and I love them dearly. For some reason everyone likes to voice their strong opinions about all girls. I knew my husband would love this baby no the less, but he is human. Hearing that this baby another girl it would be bitter sweet, and I did not want to see the sadness in his eyes. I mean what guy does not what a son? I could not blame him. I knew eventually he would come around, but the bond I had with this baby was magical. I loved this spirit boy or girl, and I did not want my feelings tainted from everyone's views. I was beyond grateful my husband once again went along with my wishes. I am a tad bit worried what my not pregnancy will entail, I think Jeff will be making all the calls!
I had the opportunity to be introduced to a midwife. When Scarlett was a baby she had a tongue tie and a lip tie. I did not know where to turn, and I did not have a ton of money to fix it. Doctors would not acknowledge it, but the pain while nursing was getting old. I was not going to stop. My friend referred me to a midwife who was very familiar with ties. She actually agreed to clip both of the ties for me. She had done this tons of times, and she was very professional, and very knowledgeable about what to do.  Nursing immediately was a whole new ball game. I was very grateful for her. I decided that when I had another baby, I would love her to be my midwife. Hindsight is always 20/20. I really should not have made this decision without Jeff, and I should not have made it before interviewing other midwifes. Just because a midwife is great for one person does not mean the midwife will be just as good to another person. Lesson to the wise, interview lots of midwifes! So when I got pregnant I knew who I would go with. My midwife was great, although there were some things I did not fully agree with, she was great. My prenatal appointments were so good. Much different than a doctors prenatal visit. I was a person, I was important, and I was unique. It was great. Pregnancy was great, and I really had no complications. Although I did have a posterior placenta. This meant that the placenta sat in front of the baby. It was a crazy feeling, and made for getting a decent heart beat a little nerve wrecking. All in all it was no big deal. Well it came around time for the midwife to do a home visit, and meet Jeff....
I knew this midwife was not 100% Jeff's style, but I was pretty sure he would be able to deal with it for me. Well lets just say the appointment ended with Jeff leaving in the middle due to not being able to handle my mid wife and her assistants. I was a fish out of water. I had no clue what to do. I was due super soon, I had no clue where to turn. I had already paid my midwife, and I had no clue I had options. Now I know I had choices. So I decided to just proceed with my midwife, praying that all would work itself out. Well before I knew it my due date rolled around, and went by, as it always does. I was over due. Surprise Surprise. Let me just tell you just how great it was not having to go to doctor appointments, and explain over and over why I would not get induced, It was FREAKING amazing.
Life continued on until one early Monday morning I was awakened to a intense feeling in my back. Well like any other pregnant women pain in the middle of night/morning usually means you need to pee. So I got up peed, and crawled back into bed. Then I heard the notorious pop and felt a stream of warm water. My water had broken.....

The spirit who was missed

I usually get pregnant quick. I mean we are talking 3 pregnancies in 3 years. Sadly one of those was not a full term pregnancy, but a pregnancy none the less. Even after baby number three I got pregnant 2 months later. After Scarlett things changed. My period did not return for almost 2 years after Scarlett was born. No period sounds amazing, right?! Well let me tell you it was not so great. In fact it was strange. What was even stranger was the feelings I was getting about having a baby. I knew pretty soon after Scarlett that there was another sweet spirit waiting to come down to earth. As the months went on my patience was wearing thin. I literally ached I missed this baby so much. I cried many nights to Heavenly Father begging to help me understand what was happening. There came a point that I actually was starting to think I was done having kids. My time had ended. The only thing keeping some inkling of hope was my huge ache in my heart that I had for this sweet spirit. It was a hard time, because there were not too many I felt opening up to , about my concerns. I mean I had three healthy girls, and 1 angel boy. Some people cannot even get pregnant with one. But here I was fretting over another.  Looking back I understand the purpose, and I really am grateful for the time I had to struggle. Although I would never wish it upon anyone, or am I trying to claim I truly understand the sorrow those who struggle with infertility go through.But I can say I had a taste. My heart breaks even more for those who are struggling with infertility. 

After a while I decided I should take matters into my own hands. With no period I really had no clue what my ovulation schedule was. So I went to this amazing lady who does foot zoning. It was a amazing experience. As she went over the part on my foot that reflects the uterus. We both heard a loud crunching sound. We both looked at each other, and she informed me there was some sort of build up preventing me from ovulating. About a week later I had a period! I got pregnant very soon after that. My joy was tangible. I was so very thankful for this opportunity I had to meet this sweet little baby that I had been longing to hold and kiss once more. This pregnancy truly allowed me realize just how miraculous pregnancy is. Although I was chasing 3 other crazy girls, and more exhausted than I had ever been. I was so thankful, so joyful. Finally this spirit and I would be reunited!

Weekend Fun

Every day I answer this question-"what day is it", and when I answer Friday, I get 3 hysterically excited girls. You might not be aware, but my daughters have an obsession. They are totally obessed with their daddy, and Friday means tomorrow is Saturday. Saturday means "daddy no has to go to work".

The countdown begins, and we try to make time pass quickly. Often on Fridays we have Family sleepovers. A family sleepover is where we all sleep downstairs, eat popcorn, and watch a show. When the girls fall asleep Jeff and I drool over our sleeping beauties. We often question how we got so blessed. These nights are so sweet, and are always cherished. One weekend we even set up a tent, for the girls to have "camp out".

Christmas

Christmas is super special around our house. We love celebrating the birth of our Savior. The girls are at a super fun age, and are really learning to get so excited about traditions. Holidays will only get better from here!

By looking at my house

By looking at my house you could probably not tell how hard I have worked all day long. By looking at my house you may think oh gee this bathroom needs a good clean. You would be stunned to know I cleaned it not too long ago, yesterday in fact, but by the hand prints on the mirror and mud on the floor you would never know. By looking at my house you may just think this laundry sure needs done, wouldn't you know, I have worked all day long to make that darn laundry go away. By looking at my house the kitchen may seem a tad gross. You would not even be able to tell that before lunch, the floor was sparkling clean. When you look at my house I hope you do see the love that is found all around. Sticky hands, messy faces, all along a smile on their faces. When you look at my house I hope you feel the spirit that here abounds, for in our home love is spoken . No matter how unclean it may seem, I hope by looking at my house you see a welcoming place, and feel the sweet spirits of those dirty little faces.

I don't want to grow up....

Last night Sydney as I was tucking Sydney into bed. We were talking about bed, and how we needed to do it. Well she looked at me and said "mama I dont want to ever grow up and leave you". I told her that she had no need to fear, I would always be there for her. I explained to her that dads mom was grandma, and we saw her often. To that she said, "no mama, we sometimes dont see her, I never want to grow up, I dont ever want to leave you". Her eyes filled with tears, and she hugged me so tightly. This little girl is growing, and she knows it. I don't want her to ever grow up either. I know she has to, and I know she will accept this, and be the most amazing women. I wanted to capture the moment in a capsule, and always remember, her smell, her eyes, her innocence. I want to remember the hard day we had previously before this, I want to remember the bitter as much as the sweet. If she could only see what I see. How I wish time could just stand still.